Continuous Delivery is important. Also fiber.
Walt: Ugh. We froze production a for a week and now the deployment is taking forever. There's a tonne of changes to push out. Somehow there is code in master that is not ready to be deployed.
Melissa: That's why we keep our deployments regular. If we don't deploy every day our deployments get hard, strained, uncomfortable, and they take forever.
Melissa: Come to think of it, we'd have the same problems if our office didn't have fiber.
I really struggled with the title for this one. I cycled through Continuous Delivery, TeamShitty, and even putting all of the cards on the table with Thinly Veiled Poop Joke.
Come on build, you can do it!
Cube Drone: Come on, build, no whammies, no whammies, you can do it. |
Melissa: Wait, shouldn't you be able to run the whole build locally and know that your build passes before you commit anything? |
Cube Drone: Hey, do I tell you how to do *your* job?
Melissa: Yes. Constantly.
I'm working on rebuilding the backgrounds using a little thing called "perspective". It makes me uncomfortable.
You start a new job and the codebase is a clusterfudge, what do you do?
Melissa: So, where can I check out the build code?
Warbeard: Oh, it's on the build servers. |
Melissa: Yeah, but where do you keep it?
Warbeard: I said, on the build servers. |
Melissa makes a very sour face.
But who builds the build code?
Miloslav and Walt, talking in the kitchen |
Miloslav: Imagine being trapped in inky black quicksand up to your waist -
your hopeless struggle to claw yourself free only hastening your demise.
| They stare at one another
| Walt: So, you're saying we shouldn't build a suite of Selenium tests
for our app.
Everything's a horrifying story with you, Milo. Why not just say 'we shouldn't use Selenium'?
The only three presentations that junior programmers ever give:
| First frame: (Sparky stands on a podium, giving a presentation) 'Unit Testing: How Does it Work?',
| Second frame: 'Code Style: Tabs vs Spaces vs Neither, Where to Put The Curly Brace, The More Trivial the Better',
| Third frame: 'Why My Code is Self Documenting, But Your Code Needs Comments, Examples, a Glossary and a Tutorial'
This also holds true for their articles and interpretive dance competitions
Cube Drone (on his laptop): I need the build to finish so that I can push my changes! |
Cube Drone: Gah! Someone else pushed their changes first! Uuuuugh! |
Cube Drone pulls a fire alarm
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Milo: So, because you broke the build, you're going to have to wear the sombrero of shame. |
Cube Drone: That's not so bad.
Milo: And the sandwich board of repentance. And... |
20 minutes later:
Cube Drone, wearing a sombrero, a clown wig, clown pants, clown shoes, and a sandwich board reading 'I broke the build.': I feel like this may have gone too far.
Before you fix the broken build, you have to do the 15 minute apology dance, then sing the Sorry Song.
Cube Drone, at his laptop: Okay, checked out, made a change. Time to push it back to the server. Done. |
Alarms blare. Woop! Woop! |
P.A. system: The build has been broken! Alert! Woop!
Cube Drone: Poop.
Moving to a company with automated builds, TDD culture, and mandatory code review is a big step for a lot of cowboy coders.