A handy cheat sheet for all of the HTTP Status Codes!
2.99 Hot Dog w/ Relish
301 Moved permanently
302 See 303
303 See 301
307 Moved temporarily
309 Relocated to San Jose
311 Moved emotionally
344 The real HTTP response was friendship all along
348 Hidden, but badly enough to find easily
350 Purchased by Google in 2012. Purpose unknown.
372 Purchased by Yahoo in 2003. Mismanaged into obscurity.
400 You dun' fucked up.
401 Credentials missing
403 No, dammit
404 Not found
405 Method not allowed
410 Just went out for a bit to buy smokes - back any day now
418 Teapot (self-explanatory)
429 Cool your jets
431 Your request is too damn big!
451 Your government has deemed this resource a threat to security.
458 Request too sexy
500 Something bad and unexpected happened.
501 Didn't finish building this bit.
502 NGINX broke
503 Servers currently very on fire
504 Not sure if 502 or 503
505+ Programmers broken
-41 Sit by a lake
Cyberpunk 2016 / Actual 2016
Cyberpunk 2016 Guy: I've got to VR into the Cyberverse before the deckers can crypto through my firewall!
Actual 2016 Guy: Damn these Chinese IPs and their automated vulnerability scanning, they're filling my logs with garbage!
Actual 2016 Guy: Also I think someone on the bus is doing some kind of Shadowrun cosplay.
Cyberpunk 2016 Guy: I'm gonna hack the Gibson!
Once I blocked all of China and Russia in a bout of frustration.
Eventually Russia complained.
Soylent is great at optimizing away the problem of eating, but we can do better
Spokesman: Soylent optimized our human experience, replacing the inconvenience of food with pure chalky, vanilla-scented productivity. Our office-integrated hydroshock shower can clean an entire workforce in under 45 seconds.
Spokesman: Saving you minutes a week with only slightly increased chance of embolism.
Voice from crowd: What about excretion?
Spokesman: We're still working on it, but we had the boys in the lab whip up a new prototype.
The Spokesman moves from behind the podium, revealing that he is wearing giant pants that are laden with jars and hoses.
Spokesman: You would not believe what I can do in these pants.
Most of the parts are still off-the-shelf, though. It's a combination of hammer-pants, jam jars, tubing, some pumps, and an industrial milker.
Man: In response to recent demands that Lambdaconf ban an outspoken racist from speaking at our conference...
Man: We've logically proven, using graphs, that to capitulate would violate the property of immutability - a property required by a purely functional conference.
Graphs: a mostly insane set of graphs labelled with things like "Truth", "all species together", "assault", "circular reasoning", "morality is impossible", "psychopath", and "murder"
Man: And the conference must remain pure.
Another man, tied to a chair: Mmf! MMMF!
If you change the output based on external stimulus, you're no better than a LISP.
The recent npm problems, explained by a man who is not a sentient penis
Now, I'd like to start by reassuring everyone that we here at Kik Interactive are real humans, just like you, and not giant dicks.
Kik Interactive asserts sovereignty over the three letters, "Kik", in any arrangement, commercial or non, in perpetuity throughout the universe and time, forever and ever, amen.
This might be what you'd expect from a race of penis people walking amongst the surface-dwelling humans. But we are not penises who walk as men do. We are real human people.
We found some non-commercial entity squatting in the namespace "kik" on npm. Which, as id like to remind you, we own. But after we told him politely to fuck off our property, he said no! He claims that we threatened him with legal action, which is totally off base. We implied it. And it didn't even work!
I dont see how we really had any choice but to repeatedly threaten npm with legal action; and id like to laud their courage in succumbing so quickly to our greasy wheedling.
This is a joke told almost entirely in this man's silhouette. It'd be subtle if it weren't so juvenile.
Predictions about the future
"You'll never get away with it, Dyson!"
"I already ha.. aa... aaaaaaaAAAAAA VREEEEEEM"
Temperature changes affect hardware reliability.
Temperature changes affect hardware reliability, which is why it is vitally important to keep your servers cool.
(Picture of a server wearing a backwards hat, sunglasses, and a gold chain)
The alternate title for this comic was "Shebangs", but I realized that a Ricky Martin UNIX pun was probably a mistake. Some cooling tips - People cool and server cool are different things. Commercial home AC units are probably not right for your servers. - Make sure that there's a tight seal in the server room to keep your controlled air in - and most importantly of all, make sure never to play "If You Leave Me Now" by Chicago in your server room. Peter Cetera is a powerful uncoolant.
Programmers love keyboards.
The Ergodox Keyboard: A pretty normal keyboard, but split at the center.
The Kinesis Advantage: A very large keyboard with a bowl for each hand and a panel of controls under each thumb.
The Das Kinemax Pro Code RGB Premium Mechanical Edition: A ridiculously large keyboard with a split layout, a foot pedal, a joystick, glowing red, green, and blue buttons, a dial, a spoiler, and nitrous.
The Das Kinemax Pro Code RGB Premium Mechanical Edition has it all. A split layout. Ultra-rare Cherry MX Pink mechanical switches. A foot pedal. Programmable buttons that glow in configurable RGB. A movable dial. A joystick. A foot-pedal. A spoiler. Nitrous.
The one nano user I know is probably not going to like this comic
Vim. Usable in just about every environment. Does one thing, well. (picture of a fixed-blade knife).
Emacs. Flexible, customizable, and packed with just about every feature known to man. (picture of a Leatherman multitool).
Nano. Mostly used by people who don't know what they're doing, or psychopaths.
Atom. (butter knife)
Back to work. Zug zug.
Tiffany and Curtis are lying together on a couch.
Tiffany: It's nice to have time off together.
Curtis: Yeah, really nice.
Tiffany: It's too bad you have to go back to work.
Curtis: Wait - what time is it? |
Tiffany disappears. POOF! Curtis falls off the couch.
Cube-Drone sits up: God dammit.
To hell with this, I'm going back on vacation.
How cyberpunk has your 2015 been? Really?
Cyberpunk 2015: A man wearing a triple-breasted suit with neon-colored hair and a robotic arm: I've got to jack in to the metagrid to protect my creds from 'dentahackers! |
Actual 2015: A chubby man with a sports t-shirt and a smartphone: I've got to proxy to a server in California so that I can watch "The Office" on American Netflix |
Chubby Man: Also I think someone on the bus is doing some kind of Shadowrun cosplay.
I mean, you should still do everything you can to protect your creds from 'dentahackers. I recommend strong passwords.
Limericks are the best (said nobody ever)
I wanted a beverage, hot.
From an HTTP coffeebot.
My coffee was spurned.
An error returned:
"418 I am a teapot"
But without a mug you'll be sore
Just send it a WHEN
it'll stop pouring, then
Your coffee will be on the floor
The four stages of team development!
Tuckman's Four Stages of Team Development:
1. Forming (three characters standing together)
2. Storming (one of the three characters says something mean)
3. Norming... wait, no, I think that still might be storming. (one of the three characters is angrily pointing, another has his arms out aggressively)
4. Still storming, but we'll get through this any minute now. (the two fighting characters are much closer now, and the third is sneaking out of frame)
5. *sigh*. Additional storming. (a fistfight has broken out, and the third character is holding a printer above his head)
6. The storming has proceeded much longer than expected. ( Two remaining characters walking away from a dumpster with an arm sticking out of it. )
If you're wondering, the red guy's name is Norman.
Was. Was Norman.
A graph with both axes marked "time(h)". The graph is not linear, as you might expect, but curved. "Another success at the time travel corporation."
Poof! Now your code is garbage!
Poof! Now your code is garbage! : The Singleton Fairy.
It's my birthday today! I'm turning 29!
Software is actually really simple
10% Diva bullshit
8% Arguments about Duck Typing
8% Wearing a cape to work
1% Off-by-one Errors
17% Getting pissy and defensive about code reviews
14% Tech debt
14% Copy and pasting from Stack Overflow
We need a unisex word that means what 'diva' does, although if we give it 20 years at our current levels of smug self-importance, 'programmer' will probably take on that connotation.
Curtis, opening a mail: 'Hey, Curtis, you've done an awful lot of
comics about wearables lately. Why is that? P.S. Also please stop. |
Curtis: Well, dear reader, wearables are pretty hot tech right now! |
Curtis: Also I think it's super funny how shitty they are!
It's actually not that bad. Look, it tells the time!
Guy 1: Oh no! The internet is getting stale! Whatever can we do?
Guy 1 <to guy 2>: Are you panicking?
Guy 2: I am! Panicking with concern! That's the worst kind of panic!
Guy 1: What's that sound? |
woosh President of the Internet |
President: HTML7 |
President: Canvas is now Denim |
President: Websockets is now Web-Two-Cans-Strung-Together |
President: doctype zalgo |
Guy 1 and Guy 2: ... |
Guy 1 and Guy 2: HOORAY!
Denim is now burlap! Websockets is back! C++ natively!
A mage stands atop a mountain, holding a staff dramatically to the sky. It fizzles. "Dammit"
| The mage in his workshop. "Damn, the documentation says virgin blood, but the staff's API says my blood."
| "I guess the mad wizard Azabale was not so popular with the ladies."
That mad wizard, always cutting corners with his blood interfaces.
2015: Amazon Dash allows you to order Tide brand detergent with one button press.
| 2018: Detergent AI becomes self-aware. Humanity destroyed.
| 2020: Only freshness remains.
In the grim freshness there is only war
Post Move, Task 1: Cube Drone is in a messy, box crowded environment. "I know it's here somewhere!"
| Cube Drone: Ha ha! Laptop!
| (From offscreen): Have you found the toilet paper yet? It's urgent!
| Cube Drone (distracted by his laptop): Yeah, I'm on it.
So, I moved on up, to the east side of downtown Vancouver. A dee-luxe apartment in the sky.
Meanwhile, at the W3C...
Man: I say we include a CSS tag for theme selection.
Man in Suit: Does that benefit Altavista in some way?
*The President of the Internet breaks through the wall*
President: I, President of the Internet, decree that under-construction gifs shall have their own tag!
Webrings are back, baby!
A normal looking man is standing. *Poof*. A futuristic looking man appears.
| Futuristic Man: We're here from the future to find a man who's been lost.
| Normal Man: We?
| Normal Man: There's only one of you, dude!
| Futuristic Man looks behind him: Oh no! He's lost!
| Futuristic Man: Will you help me go back into the past and find him?
| Normal Man: Sure!
| the last panel is empty.
BEING LOST / THE FUTURE. Time travel jokes where someone moves from the last panel to the first panel are like the 'hello world' of webcomics, but they're fun anyways.
Cineveo is okay! The head-location based navigation is pretty cool. It puts your head way closer to the screen, though. I don't usually watch TV like this.
I wanted to take full advantage of the 3D capabilities, so I acquired a 9GB full-3D version of the Lego Movie. It looked great, but the primary audio track wasn't the English track - so I'd have to recompile the mkv file if I wanted to watch the movie in English.
It's starting to dawn on me how antisocial the Oculus really is. I don't generally watch movies alone.
Getting the oculus to fit on a cube is no easy task.
So, my Oculus Rift DK2 arrived a little while ago.
I was working when it arrived, so I couldn't try it right away.
It looks pretty cool, although cables are everywhere.
And I had to try it on three different computers (reading every forum article and suggested fix for about six hours) before I could get it to work.
The torturous wait to try out new technology is only eclipsed by how bored you are with that technology one week later.
A character that looks a great deal like Jon (from the hit comic Garfield) is reading the documentation for Django's models. |
He gets to the chapter on CharField |
Jon yells 'Charfield!'
Garfield is love, Garfield is life
Guy 1: Our HTMLs need punch! |
Guy 2: Bring me the president of the internet! |
President of the Internet: I declare that we need more marquee tags! |
Guy 1 and 2: High fives! |
Later: Guy 1: I feel like tacos! |
Guy 2: Well you look like tacos too! |
Guy 1 and 2: Highest of fives!
Laptop Power Cable:
Curtis is reaching around in his backpack. |
He looks concerned. |
He is now frantically looking around in his backpack. |
Arms raised to the sky. Noooooo!!
And now, the adventures of Vespa Puncho Puncho, Crimefighter!
vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa PUNCHO PUNCHO!
vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa vespa PUNCHO PUNCHO!
When I was a kid, one of my favourite games was Armored Core. |
Despite the complex controls, me and my younger brother took to it quickly. |
We would spend hours customizing our mechs and fighting with them. |
Things were pretty even at first. But Jonathan quickly learned that I was weak against very fast mechs. |
I couldn't beat him with speed. He was too fast. I was a good shot. I could win with more gun. |
Jonathan kept on stripping weight from his mech and getting faster. I kept on adding weight and cannons. |
This went on until he was too fast to hit with anything, but he also couldn't carry enough ammunition to make a dent in my armor. |
Grenade launchers are high-powered, slow-reloading, non-targeting, splash-damage artillery that do more damage than any other weapon in the game. They take some finesse, but when they hit...
Lady: I just don't know what to cook for dinners! |
A checkered shirt man punches into frame. Pow! |
Checkers: Southern Fried Southern! |
A fusion of southern soul food and even more southern soul food! Quadruple-fried chicken! |
Checkers: We fry everything two more times than would be considered appropriate! Deep fried collard greens! |
Southern Fried Southern! Our logo is not one but seven southern colonels!
THE ONLY RESTAURANT WHERE THE YELLING IS FREE
Merchant: Sir, I'm afraid your gun license has been denied. |
Merchant: If you want my advice, maybe spend a little more time thinking about your answers. |
I intend to use my pistol for: (check all that apply)
* hunting very inefficiently
* in case of armed revolution
* kill muggers
* kill home invaders
* vigilante justice
* assorted crime (this is circled)
[ ] More Crime.
Platformer Difficulty v. TIme, Graphs:
Rayman Origins: A linear graph.
New Super Mario Bros: A linear graph.
Kirby's Epic Yarn: Flat and low.
Super Meat Boy: Off the charts, immediately.
Rayman Origins was the best.
Deus Ex, Ending
Adam Jensen is standing in front of the three endings to Deus Ex: Human Revolution. He hits one. "Boop". |
Frank Pritchard: So, you've changed the world, Adam. What are you going to do now? |
Adam Jensen: Something I haven't done in a long time, Pritchard. |
Adam is sitting in his pyjamas, watching Price is Right and holding a bottle of red wine. "Aaaaahhhh."
Drew Carey in the cyperpunk future just looks like Drew Carey.