Some of our meeting rooms have creative names.
Cube Drone: How did your one-on-one with Milo go?
Sparky: Intense. I need to get a drink.
Cube Drone: Hm. The sweat lodge. That's a curious name for a meeting room.
(Milo is sitting in a hot, wet sauna.)
It was hot in the box with Milo
Be careful with conference calls...
CEO: It's important! Our competition is coming. Our competition is coming hard... |
<the CEO on a conference call with the Cube team>: And our competition is coming fast.
Cube Drone: Oh god not in my face! |
Walt angrily mutes the conference call.
Getting the visual language for this joke right was surprisingly difficult. It involves a lot of cutting from place to place. I hope it comes together.
It's time for a company all-hands
Cube Drone checks his watch: Company standup in five minutes! Ugh. |
CEO, on a video feed: Let's talk about the meaning of the word "vision".|
CEO: SWOT analysis key partner value-add directionality funding round valuation opportunity market position strategic IPO commoditification sales deck-measuring contest money VP of marketing the board wants money money dollars money
Cube Drone: Uuuuuuugh.
All corporate meetings appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real meetings, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Cube Drone and the Fine Art of Meeting Sabotage
Every efficient meeting has three demons that you must slay.
An agenda is a magical document that tells people in a meeting what they should be doing. It must be stopped.
If this dreaded document does exist, you have to derail it. A good way to do this is to introduce tangentially related topics to the conversation.
Office Drone: "So we're agreed, the product will be am..."
Cube Drone: "Yes, but what color should it be?"
Pro Tip: Inconsequential details, personal details, anecdotes, even things that are project-related but off-agenda are great for this!
If you're lucky enough to be the one calling the meeting, do your best to ensure that nobody knows why they are there or how to proceed.
Cube Drone writing an e-mail: Meeting request. Subject: Everyone. Subject: Morgan Account. Just want to gather everyone's input wrt the Morgan Account...
Once a topic has been decided on, the person discussing the topic needs to have the focus of the room.
Fiddle with the projector. Fiddle with the bridge. If at all possible, work with people who are very far away - that way you can do both.
Present with a device from inside a moving vehicle.
Use powerpoint, whenever you can. There's nothing quite like slides and bullets to hide how bad your presentation is.
Hold the meeting right after or before lunch.
Ignore the meeting: fiddle with your mobile device.
There are lots of ways to ensure a meeting goes more smoothly. Most of these techniques require foresight and effort.
Setting up the equipment before the meeting.
Taking and distributing minutes.
Practicing your presentations.
Making sure everybody is prepared for the meeting.
To sap everybody's effort for this kind of thing, it's best to cull keen employees from the herd. ("Oh my god, somebody's killed Jenkins with some kind of poison-tipped blowdart!")
That concludes the lesson on meeting sabotage.
This is the very first comic to ever have Cube Drone in it!
I wrote it after a particularly long meeting, shortly after buying a Cintiq 12WX.