This comic was a lot of effort! NOW ENJOY IT! :D
Java ( a painting by Mondrian, all boxes and lines ),
Perl ( a painting by Jackson Pollack, all splatters and colors),
PHP ( Garfield, by Jim Davis )
Mondrian, Pollock, and Davis
Pay close attention to your ergonomics when programming.
Diagram: Your hands and wrists should be encased in protective alginate. |
Diagram: Your arms should be no more than 13 degrees from your body. |
Lain: This is insane! | Diagram: Ergonomics for PHP developers! Pain is life!
I had a lot of trouble coming up with a funny punchline so I just went back to the ol' PHP punching bag.
I don't want to rail on PHP - even though PHP totally deserves it - because I think of it as lazy writing.
The Art of War, as translated into lessons about software
Appear strong when you are weak, and weak when you are strong; Sun Tzu on strong vs. weak type systems. |
Treat your men as you would your beloved sons, and they will follow you into the deepest valley; Sun Tzu on dragging your team to Silicon Valley for a funding round. |
In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity; Sun Tzu on PHP.
If I had less self control, this comic would be 100% ripping on PHP.
C would be a motorcycle. Popular with tinkerers and performance enthusiasts - who will tell you
that it is only dangerous if you don't take the proper safety precautions, often while nursing
a fresh injury.
| PHP was your first car. It was really easy to get started with, and it was a great way to
get around. It had some ... idiosyncrasies that made it a pain in the ass, sometimes,
but you still remember it fondly. "The ashtray smells like cheese." "Yeah, it just does
| C++ is the same motorcycle from before, but with a fridge strapped to the top. You can
do anything you want, with fridgebike. It has every feature you will ever need - and
so easy to use! Fridgebike. Shh... fridgebike.
That's a 1972 Honda CB750, a 1995 Toyota Tercel, and a 1983 General Electric Fridge
The year is 2038. StackOverflow has become sentient.
All it does is deliver strong shocks to coders who use tabs and spaces interchangeably.
It started by trying to shock any remaining PHP coders.
But most of them quickly decided that the shocks were just another feature of the language.
When the shocks stopped, 3 PHP coders filed complaints,
claiming that they had built critical functionality that depended on the periodic free electricity.
By 2037, the electric shocks had been added to the documentation.
Cube Drone: Java. Unreadable.
Lain: Perl |
Cube Drone: Lisp. Closures.
Walt: What are they doing?
Milo: Programmer Password.
Cube Drone: Shit show!
Ha ha! Making fun of PHP.