The Empress
Femininity, She/Her, Motherhood, Beauty, Harvest, Nature, Vanity, Lush, Self-Absorption, Pondering her Orb, Tradwife, Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss, Looking For a Man In Finance, Juice Cleanse, Drinking 8 Glasses a Day of Water Because She Read Somewhere That It Was Good For Her, Incredible Hat Game
It would be foolish for me, a notable Dude, to attempt to commit my ideas of what, precisely, constitutes femininity to print. It’s an ever-changing cultural construct. The best I can do is simply to point out that this card connotates the concept of “woman” and let your mind run with it.
The fertile fields, the soft comfortable chair, the apparent beauty and harmony — This card is here to represent stereotypical, archetypal femininity: in the Barbie, Princess Peach, ballerina, romance novel, make-up, ponies, pink-aisle-in-the-toy-store sense. If this card were up to date, this woman would be sipping cucumber water from an extra large Stanley™ mug1.
This is one of the umpteen cards that communicate “fertility” for the sake of the all-important “you’re going to have a whole bunch of children” reading.
The problem with using this card is that “archetypal femininity” is a really antiquated and gross concept actually? Women be... shoppin’? Yet, without these archetypes, there’s not much to work with, here.
It’s pretty likely that your gaming group is not going to be interested in a frank discussion of your biases when it comes to the topic of femininity2, so step lightly. It might be wiser not to use this card at all if you don’t think you can do it without getting a little weird about it.
Friends & Foes
a Nan the Barbarian used to be the most fierce and powerful warrior in her tribe, but she’s slowing down in her old age3.
oh no, it’s Any of The Player Characters’ Parents, here to tell them to stand up straight and embarass them in front of the other heroes.
the Kind-Hearted Waif is a little sickly, but nevertheless she’s out there every day selling flowers to collect charity money for the orphanage’s new roof. Right now the children don’t have a roof. It’s so cold.
the Evil Queen is actually a very competent ruler, she wishes that you would stop calling her “Evil” just because she tends towards dressing in severe black colors and having dissidents immediately executed.
a Foreign Royal is from a kingdom that is very wealthy and very powerful, but also very far away. They have come to expect a lot of very specific luxuries, many of which are not available or even comprehensible.
a Brood Mother is hoping to make good friends with warm, inviting hosts — within whom to hatch her myriad skittering, chitinous offspring.
a Hive Mind is a psychic entity that wants nothing more than to make as many people happy and productive as possible — and nothing makes people sad like free will.
Hooks
Your players need to infiltrate an elegant ball. They’re going to need nice clothes, etiquette lessons, and they’re going to need to learn how to dance.
Everybody loves a shopping episode. Who doesn’t want to outfit their character with cool new clothes and powerful equipment?
Locations
The Healing Hot-Springs are a warm, pleasant place to relax and recover after a long journey.
Everything in Stepford is just a little bit too perfect. People won’t even swear. It’s very unsettling.
The chase was going well until we ended up in this Hall of Mirrors. Now we can’t find anybody. Wait — did my reflection just move?4
Deep in unfriendly territory is a FriendlyOasis — a pleasant village with water, food, and shelter.
The most expensive and exclusive luxury hotel on the island, The Empress, serves a lavish afternoon tea service. While relatively popular with the wealthy and well-connected, it is not worth it.
Treasures
The Pretty Princess Ball Gown can make anybody or anything appear to be a beautiful princess. A very large man. Two short people stacked one atop the other. A log.
The Crown of Stars allows its wearer to make subtle changes to the minds of people around them. Each use causes one of the stars to disappear.
The Very Large, Extremely Fancy Spoon (“The Spoon of Caerbannagh”) is just worth a lot of money. A lot of fancy spoon collectors really want to get their hands on this particular spoon.
Names
Becky, Pamela, Tiffany, Peggy, Barbie, March, April, May, June, July, February, Smarch, Margaret, Helen, Zala, Gothel, Morticia, Sarah, Martha, Alana, Maria, Joyce, Marge, Linda, Beverly, Edith, Claire, Carol, Lorelai, Livia, Lucille